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Barkley
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Name: Annie
Gender: Female
Interests: as the dulcimer slows i see a girl playing in the cornfields, raising her hands to the keeper of the plains,thanking him for his goodness, giggling in his love....
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/7/2001
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| I have a new job, starting June 30. Yay!
I'm an admissions counselor at GC, woot woot.
I'm moving down, at least partly, next weekend, on Sunday since I have a wedding on Saturday.
I currently have a place to live, but I'm debating if that's actually the best one. I have another offer to explore.
I'm thrilled about the job, and moving, but not about leaving my kids. I'm going to miss them horribly.
So there's a little update for now.
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| Every once in awhile you come upon something phenomenal. Something bigger than yourself. Or maybe its not that you come upon it, but that it comes upon you. Or just plain old, hits you in the face. Something in that story connects to something in you, and you just can't escape it. It grabs ahold of your soul and makes you look it straight in the eye. For me the story is that of Lucy Pevensie. That is supposed to be my story, but I have turned my back. C.S. Lewis touched a lot of people with his Narnia books, but there is something about his Lucy that threatens to change my life. I cried at the end of Caspian, not because of a loss of life, but because I didn't want the story to be over. She connected so with my soul that I didn't want to say goodbye to her just yet. With her still in the picture, I could pretend that I could do it, but when she isn't there, reality tells me I can't. I want to believe in something bigger than me again, but more than just to believe, I want to LIVE in something bigger than me. I want to dedicate my entire life to it, I want to breathe it, walk in it, and have everyone around me know it. My doubting, fearful, ashamed heart doesn't know how anymore. Or maybe I do know how, but I am too scared to do it.
Dear God, grant me the courage to live my life as a part of the greater story that you have written. I know that there is nothing worthwhile outside of that, and I want to live the glorious adventure that you have designed for me. Show me the way, because I dare not walk alone. Teach my heart, take control of my life, I really, completely, want to live only for you.
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| that's really all.
i want to take out an ad in the paper that just says this.
but really, i want all of you back.
i'm lonely, and frustrated, and scared, and i don't know what comes next, and it would be so much easier to have people around me, to listen, to encourage, to pray with me (that would be really nice), and to help me remember who i really am. and to give hugs. no one gives hugs in the real world like they do in Greenville. even when your grandpa dies. they just sign a card and pretend like nothings wrong. even if i wasn't that close to him, its still family, and i'm still alone.
in other news, there's another admissions job, well, 3, open again... is this the right timing? is this the sign i was waiting for? or do i stay? God only knows... but i wish he could help me figure it out... i would like to know.
my heart is just not here, but i don't want to run for running's sake. i want to do whats right, but i don't know. i don't want to be running for the rest of my life. i want to have an idea. i want to know what i want, that would be nice. and i want to be near friends, people whom i love and people who love me. that would really be nice. and to be around people who love God and show it, and people who know who i really am.
time marches on.
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| now it looks like i shall have to step into it.
anxious, nervous, doubtful, paralyzed.
i want to do something, make a difference, but i'm panicking.
panic panic panic...
but not at the disco
just in my heart.
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| That's what I was supposed to be doing today, but instead I went to a friend's bridal shower, and then I'm going bowling with some friends.
I thought it was time for an update...
I'm really doing pretty well, minus the occasional emotional setback, like this. I was doing really well, then David's Bridal calls and reminds me of my appointment, and I take a few steps back. I've met some people, and flirted some, and that's really been fun. I cut my hair and feel a lot more like myself again, and I'm trying to take some steps and make some decisions to get where I want to be which is hopefully back on the African continent. Work is going well, but it is becoming more and more obvious that I just have to get out, and soon... it's kind of sucking the life out of me. Faith is... well, getting there. I think I've finally decided that I couldn't have been that wrong for that long, and there's got to be more to live for than this. But in believing in the light, you also have to believe in the dark, and with all that comes with American Christianity, I don't know how to practice my faith. So, I'm still working out the kinks, but I'm living for something that is bigger than me, and that's worth so much more.
Anyway, there's a little update, for the few of you who might actually still read this.
(PS - if you know anyone who is looking for a wedding dress, size 10, unaltered, and beautiful, let me know!)
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